Anger is something that can creep up on you in an instant.
Someone pulls out in front of you while you're driving, you smash your finger in the car door, your child throws another tantrum in public and people stare at you like you're a bad parent...These are all examples of things that can make us angry. There are also much more serious situations that can happen to us that evoke anger.
To be honest, I'm able to look the whole way back to my childhood to see anger portrayed in my life and in my heart. Most people would never know that this is something that affects me. If you ask anyone in my family, though, they would tell you otherwise. It seems like the people I love the most are the one's that I have hurt the most. I also have a difficult time masking my feelings around the people I know the most, which doesn't help matters!
Just in the last 6 months, or so, I have really tried to deal with the anger in my life. I don't want to be a wife who gets angry with my husband over the simplest thing, and I don't want to be a mother who yells at my kids. I also don't want to be "that family member" who makes everyone else uncomfortable due to all of the tension in the room that I am causing. Unfortunately, I have been all of these things. (Am I being too honest, here? I hope not.) I want to change, and I have tried so hard to do this. I can't say it's necessarily worked, though. I have wanted so bad just to try to "go with the flow" and not get angry at ridiculous things, but it's been pretty tough for me to change. I should know by now, though, that I cannot change anything without the Holy Spirit leading the way!
I recently learned that anger has two roots. These are
fear and
pain. I found this fascinating, because I have been trying to deal with anger in my life for quite some time now. I never realized there was something precipitating the anger that I was feeling. When I started to look back at some of the situations that caused my anger, I could always trace it back to fear and/or pain (physical or emotional hurt). Now I have been able to quickly think to myself, "Am I hurting in some way, or am I fearful of something?" when I feel myself getting angry. This helps immensely, and it's been able to help me deal with the anger at it's root. If you don't deal with something at it's root, it will just keep coming back.
Here's an example of something that I dealt with for the longest time...
In my family growing up, we always had to wait until my mom sat down until we started eating dinner. This was always something that I found annoying, and I didn't understand it until I was older. When we would go to my grandma's house (or anyone else's for that matter), it was the same thing. No one dared to take a bite of food until the person running around sat down. This was done out of respect for them. My dad had us do this, so we wouldn't be done eating before my mom got the chance to sit down with us. Fast forward 20+ years...I now have my own family. When Joshua was a baby, I thought that those rules would also apply to me. We would get together for family functions, and I would be scurrying around getting Joshua something to eat - only to notice that everyone already started to eat. It's funny how the same rule that used to irritate me suddenly became so important when it wasn't followed for me. Every time this would happen, I would feel so angry and hurt. I eventually had to sit down and realize that those rules I had growing up (and even into my early 30's) no longer applied. Everyone has spouses and new families, and the rule (that I never liked in the first place...until it didn't apply to me!) is gone. We all have new families and new expectations, and that's the way it's supposed to be.
When I started to look back on my life to the things that have made me angry, this is one situation that came to my mind first. God showed me something huge, and it has been so healing for me. I used to get angry about no one waiting for me, because
it made me feel like I wasn't worth waiting for. I wasn't important enough - like my mom or grandma was. The same people who used to wait for them, never even considered doing it for me. I felt threatened. Then I realized...
fear was the root of my anger. It's been a couple of years since I stopped getting angry about that whole situation (thank goodness!), but now I feel like my heart is being healed since I know the root of what was going on in my heart. How awesome is that?
Do you deal with anger in your life? Take a look back to the situations that often cause you to be angry. You may be surprised that there is a common theme of feeling fear of some kind and/or pain (emotional or physical). Pray that God would help you with this, and He will! You may have had issues with anger all of your life, but with the Holy Spirit's help, you can change! It's not easy, but it's certainly possible with His help. Isn't that great news?
Lord, Jesus, thank you so much for helping us see the roots of anger in our lives. Things are not always as they seem to us, and I thank you for showing us when we honestly seek Your guidance. Please expose all of the lies that we have believed that have caused the anger in our lives, and show us how to get rid of the anger by it's root! In Your name we pray, Amen.
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